New Government Jobs!

My best friend, who I'll just call Bill F Katz, was talking with me the other day and we decided that with Obama threatening to create a whole plethora of new government sponsored programs and jobs we have one in particular we feel needs to be made. Please read on: My buddy actually put this in a letter and sent it to his Congressman, Congressman Bishop in Utah. When I read this I was on the ground laughing my guts out and when Jodi read it a big glob of drool came dripping off her bottom lip because she was so intrigued.

Dear Congressman Bishop, and to whomever else it may concern:

As a responsible citizen of our great country and a proud and enthusiastic supporter of our government and all its endeavors, it is somewhat to my shame that I write to make a citation as to one of the largest government oversights in the new millennium. Endemic in our society, are unchecked diseases that every year cost our economy millions of dollars in senseless waste and terrorize millions of American families. Diseases like Hepatitis A, which affects over 10 million people annually. Responsible for several deaths annually, millions of sick days at work, and an estimated six million unreported, yet terrifying cases, E. Coli still runs rampant in our “civilized” country. Pinworms, tapeworms, giardia, rotavirus, even polio. What do all these have in common? They are all products of a fecal oral transmission

It seems horrifying and repulsive, even inconvenient to think about but fecal oral transmissions. To put it plainly, a fecal oral transmission is when bacteria found in human feces are ingested by another human. It seems even the government mandated food handler’s permits, “please wash your hands” signs, and modern technology have completely failed to guard us against this awful epidemic oppressing millions as we speak. It is time for the government to step in.

This problem requires immediate and expansive action. New government agencies need to be created and new positions introduced. These agencies would be responsible for educating their employees on proper cleaning and disposal of human feces. With the help of the specialization of these government agents, we hope to eradicate all disease heretofore mentioned, and many more that for lack of space could not be written.

It seems simple really. So simple that it’s hard to believe that this plan has not been in effect for decades already. It is too difficult for the average American to clean himself after defecation, and that is a fact. As a matter of argument, there have been no advances made available to him/her since the invention of hygienic paper. This ineffective, and costly method has not only left stains on our American underpants for hundreds of years, it has left the most unsightly and shameful skidmark on the fabric of our American society. No more will the common man besmirch his heritage by reaching around the bend to blindly rub his hand through a biological sludge of poisons every single day, just to unknowingly transfer that poison into his system. This is an injustice that needs to be righted.

I am calling on all politicians and freedom loving Americans with pride in their patronage, and the willingness to protect and serve their nation to rally around this proposition so that we can prevent the tyrannical vice-grip of fecal oral transmission from destroying our economy, our liberty, and our spirits. I am calling on Washington to stop turning a blind eye to the agonizing masses and deal with the proverbial “elephant in the room”. I am calling on politicians to create thousands of jobs while fighting disease at the same time. I am calling on every man woman and child with the red white and blue flowing through their veins, to speak out against this brown menace. I am calling on all government ass-wipes, to live up to their name.

Sincerely,

Bill F. Katz

Germany

Here are more highlights from our incredible trip to the motherland. Taylor & I both have strong German heritage, and we are pretty proud of it.

For the first few days we stayed with family in Munich.
Thanks to Claus, Sylvia, Matthias, and Florian for being such great hosts.We spent some time in downtown Munich. It is very beautiful. I think Claus told us they are celebrating the city's 850th year.We all went on a fabulous bike ride through the forest to a Beer Garden located right next to the beautiful Schleissheimer castle. It was so fun to be there with family having a picnic.

Our German cousins will never understand how we can live without beer.Some how we were able to convince Aaron to let David give him a Euromullet. It was fun while it lasted, which was maybe only a day.The incredible Neuchswanstein Castle
Claus and his family have an American BBQ every year, and it conveniently took place while we were in town. 50 Germans, lost of beer and smoking...makes for a good time. Claus has a band with his two sons and some friends called Just 5 Music, I thought they were great and di an excellent job playing all the classic American hits. Teaching the Germans how to line dance was probably the highlight of the evening. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Once the party was over at midnight, German cousin Paul somehow dragged us into going to a club. I don't do clubs. I don't do fast things with lots of people. I didn't last long. Bad idea. I was afraid of getting groped during the strobe light. At least the music was all American. Taylor was just having such a good time, that he joined the crowd in yelling, "We want to party" except he didn't realize that they were actually yelling something inappropriate.
Enough said. No more German clubs for me.

We went to Dachau, which is always a somber experience.

After 4 days of partying with the Siegels, we took off for a weekend in Prague. We had such a good time with the family and it was so nice to stay in their home rather than in a hotel. It made the German experience that much more authentic.

Prague was not so glorious at first. It was kicking our butt really. The hotel was...cheap, and eating in their restaraunt was a bad choice. At least it was a decent place to sleep, but really, what hotel tells you that your blankets are being cleaned and will be back in the morning? So Michelle and Aaron just had their lumpy couch bed and bright orange satin duvet cover with no blanket. We weren't loving Prague, until we stepped into the main part of the city and saw this...
I know it's blurry, but you get the point. Our mouths all dropped and I heard several of us say "I think I'm in love with Prague." The lighting throughout the city was brilliant and really set the mood. It was a city right out of a storybook.








If you ever decide to take a trip to Prague, here are my suggestions:

1.Take it slow, it is so much more enjoyable if you aren't in a hurry and you know how to just sit back and relax

2. 8 people was just a lot
3. Save up the extra money and stay in a nicer hotel, preferably as close to the main part of the city as possible...less walking and adds to the ambiance.
4. When you buy anything, watch it, they'll hose you
5. 1,000 czech crowns isn't that much money, so don't freak out

Prague was great, but it was a relief to be away from the tourists and cozy in the tiny village of Benshausen in East Germany. We stayed with a good friend named Hartmut. They had a fabulous home...and it was so nice to relax for a few days.

They took us for walks and hikes in the Rennsteig Mountains.

We went on a tour of an SS bunker that was built in the 70s, that was pretty cool. It was interesting to hear Hartmut tell us about when the Berlin wall was still up and what life was like. His son is an incredible chef and cooked for us the first night. The food was SO good. It was the first time I ate an entire serving of Salmon and actually enjoyed it.

We LOVED Benshausen and they fed us the best food of the whole trip.
Thanks to sweet Manuela who spent the entire time slaving away in the kitchen.Taylor and his victorious chess skills.

After Benshausen we returned to Munich to end our trip.
It was all so fabulous...
family, good food, schnitzel the size of my head, wonderful people.
I realized while we were there how German I really am.
I'm so organized and a perfectionist, which can be good and bad.
I was watching all the family & friends thinking 'wow, I'm just like that'.
That's totally where it comes from.
Now if I could just speak it...fortunately most everyone could speak English.
Most everyone could also speak German which didn't help my case much.
At least Taylor discovered that he is pretty much fluent. He's amazing.
We may have had to drive to Switzerland to catch a flight home...ah the joys of flying standby. But hey, we got to ride in Business class and it doesn't get any better than that.
Germany is Amazing. Go there someday.
My grandmother would be so proud.

Germany 2008: Part 3- Heavy D

By now you've seen most of the cool pictures on my sister Michelle or Alicia's blog... but you probably haven't seen these yet.
Having Heavy D along meant constant entertainment. Here's some highlights.

David had a hay day with the Czeck guards wholook like they belong in the nutcracker and aren't allowed to smile or move. And here's dave showin off his grampa buns; alicia loved when he did this.

Dave would only call this poor guy apache, navajo-joe etc. And here's the D swimming like a sperm along with a bunch of Czeck currency towards good interest rates.

He called this the "Eye of the Tiger" and he'd do it to you when you least expected it. Ry guy got tired of all the free-style walking Dave put him through.

Turns out Heavy D walks like an ogre.... and he arm wrestled the poor dying guy.

It didn't take long for him to get friendly with some of that famous german (alcohol free) beer. I have no words for this one.

Here he's showing how much he approves of nazis at Dachau (not very much... although Ali looks pretty jolly.) And this one may be my favorite. Family picture time! so what does Heavy D do? Grab a burrito and stuff it in his face while blocking poor baby Aaron's head.

Puttin out the vibe in Claus' lederhosen... and trying to figure out the pee flap.

Nymphenberg castle. Dave got into the spirit of things.

Backwards running in forests and climbing poles on the top of precariously high mountain tops? check.

Germany 2008: PART 2- New York City

Miraculously we got on a flight from SLC to JFK airport in NYC. We all had to go coach for this leg of the trip, but we were so happy just to have made it on the plane.

NYC was amazing! We had such a blast! Jodi and I had never been so our eyes were practically popping out of our heads at all the stuff to look at.

We had taken the red-eye out of SLC and we had like 12 hours til our next flight so we went to Central Park and fell asleep... and somehow didn't get mugged.

We went and saw the WTC site and the statue of liberty...

Time's Square was so much bigger than I'd ever imagined! I'm not really sure why Heavy-D felt like puttin out the vibe in this picture... but he did.

M&M street and Musicals...


This crazy violin man was way entertaining. He spoke mostly spanish and insisted we play his violin for him.