Dear Congressman Bishop, and to whomever else it may concern:
It seems horrifying and repulsive, even inconvenient to think about but fecal oral transmissions. To put it plainly, a fecal oral transmission is when bacteria found in human feces are ingested by another human. It seems even the government mandated food handler’s permits, “please wash your hands” signs, and modern technology have completely failed to guard us against this awful epidemic oppressing millions as we speak. It is time for the government to step in.
This problem requires immediate and expansive action. New government agencies need to be created and new positions introduced. These agencies would be responsible for educating their employees on proper cleaning and disposal of human feces. With the help of the specialization of these government agents, we hope to eradicate all disease heretofore mentioned, and many more that for lack of space could not be written.
It seems simple really. So simple that it’s hard to believe that this plan has not been in effect for decades already. It is too difficult for the average American to clean himself after defecation, and that is a fact. As a matter of argument, there have been no advances made available to him/her since the invention of hygienic paper. This ineffective, and costly method has not only left stains on our American underpants for hundreds of years, it has left the most unsightly and shameful skidmark on the fabric of our American society. No more will the common man besmirch his heritage by reaching around the bend to blindly rub his hand through a biological sludge of poisons every single day, just to unknowingly transfer that poison into his system. This is an injustice that needs to be righted.
I am calling on all politicians and freedom loving Americans with pride in their patronage, and the willingness to protect and serve their nation to rally around this proposition so that we can prevent the tyrannical vice-grip of fecal oral transmission from destroying our economy, our liberty, and our spirits. I am calling on
Bill F. Katz