Mar 23, 2009

R.I.P. nutcracker

Jodi's evil plans have come to fruition. She's forcing me to get my solid steel beast of a nutcracker tooth replaced by something slightly more comely- and ceramic (which we all know I love). As an engineer, I say functionality over form. But my wife, Jodi, says "It's probably rotting under that steel cap!"
And maybe she's right- What if they pry off that oral metallic bunker and find a decaying remnant of a tooth? What if dust and evil spirits shoot out like when they pop the lid off of a mummy sarcophagus? Am I the only one that saw what happened when they opened the arc of the covenant on Indiana Jones? Can't we just leave well enough alone?

Anyways. In dealing with the grief of such a loved one I turned to my good friend Andy. This is the actual conversation which took place via text between Andy and myself:

Taylor: I h ave to have a crown done tomorrow. Pain. My nutcracker silver tooth is goin goin gone...

Andy: Yowza, that sounds like not a fun time. Whelp, he was a good tooth, rest his soul. Send my condolences to the bicuspids.

Taylor: It's just hard you know? I mean... it just won't be the same without him around. He was always my most reliable fall back guy. Got a tough cashew shell? No worries. He's on it. Need someone to talk to? He's always there... by definition.

Andy: You know, it's times like these that we often try and remember the good times we've had, but I don't really see that as productive. Sometimes it takes a good bout of negativity to flush out all the build-up that has accumulated over teh years. I mean, when was the last time he offered you any sound advice? He never really took care of himself, and it seems that despite your best efforts to take care of yourself and him, he still decayed. You'll be better off without him. I'm sure one of your other teeth, perhaps another molar, a canine, heck, even an incisor will step up in his place as the cashew crusher. Better to let the dirty moocher go T.

Taylor: You're right, of course, andy. I guess I've turned a blind eye to the worsening situation over the years. You know, it all goes back to when he lost his best friend, the wisdom tooth. He just started making poor choices.

1 comment:

  1. You can come have a smoothie at our house because Andrew gets his braces on tomorrow. You two can commiserate...