typical text message conversation with andy.
Andy: Dude, second fatal shark attack in less than a week! Sharks are pissed!
Taylor: We've been peeing in the ocean for far too long with no consequences.
Taylor: There was a 3rd attack yesterday in Florida. That's 3 for 3 for shark-kind.
Andy: Well, at least they haven't taken to land yet.
Taylor: Ding-dong! (doorbell) Who could that be? Door slams open to reveal gnarly shark wearing board shorts and a fluorescent mustle T. Shark attack sucka! Street sharks!
Andy: Holy crap, it's time to fight back. I'm getting my surfboard back, laser mounting it and taking it to the sea. Either that, or filling a wet suit with mustard and setting it afloat. What a joke! Mustard isn't good on neoprene!
Taylor: I'd fill it with gefelte fish. he'd be eating pickled abomination. That'd teach him.
Andy: Unless he was a jew. It would be just my luck that he would be of hebrew decent and the gefelte fish would bring him warm memories of childhood with grandma or something.
Taylor: You know what must really get a shark mad? Is all these penguin movies making them look all innocent and lovable. It'd be like making a movie "march of the hamburgers" which made people feel bad about innocent burgers getting chomped on the open sea.
Apr 30, 2008
Apr 27, 2008
The Giving Corner
that's what we call it. Magically things just appear out by the corner of our apartment. It's amazing, every time we walk by... there's something there. A desk, a chair, a CD carousel, a computer table, a bookcase, dishes, instruments, baby things, a jog stroller... Pretty much everything. The things are there for a few days... and then mysteriously disappear.
So last night we got home pretty late from our temple trip in Los Angeles and as we pulled up, lo and behold, there was something new at the Giving Corner. A BED! Now it's not what you're thinking. Not a soiled filthy mattress all covered in disease. It was a really nice wooden bed frame. Jodi and I were practically sleeping with our mattress propped up on cinder blocks so we were pretty intrigued. So much so, that we shamelessly went back and carted it off to our pad. That's right. I just spent a whole blog making fun of my hillbilly brother and then we go dumpster diving for a bed. whelp.. what can I say. As long as we bleach it good and never shine a black light on it I can rest comfortably.
I'll let the pictures show how cool it is.
Jodi says the headboard is too fancy.
Also note the fire door we hide under our new bed.
So last night we got home pretty late from our temple trip in Los Angeles and as we pulled up, lo and behold, there was something new at the Giving Corner. A BED! Now it's not what you're thinking. Not a soiled filthy mattress all covered in disease. It was a really nice wooden bed frame. Jodi and I were practically sleeping with our mattress propped up on cinder blocks so we were pretty intrigued. So much so, that we shamelessly went back and carted it off to our pad. That's right. I just spent a whole blog making fun of my hillbilly brother and then we go dumpster diving for a bed. whelp.. what can I say. As long as we bleach it good and never shine a black light on it I can rest comfortably.
I'll let the pictures show how cool it is.
Jodi says the headboard is too fancy.
Also note the fire door we hide under our new bed.
Apr 24, 2008
Heavy Von Deezy
If you know me or anyone in my family... then you've certainly realized that we are really hillbilly. The most redneck of us all though... is without a doubt, my little brother. 
I dedicate this entire blog to you... well... and Hambone, Wangsta, Booger, Aaron and the rest of the crew who I love.
My little brother (calling himself Heavy Von Deezy this time) sent pictures from his newest endeavor. Is it of...
1- Swinging his friends around with the bucket of a tractor? nope.
2- Dragging his friends behind his truck around the grocery store parking lot and through drive-thrus on a couch? nope.
3- Dragging his friends behind his truck around the grocer store parking lot on a giant stuffed animal? nope.
4- Doing sick tantrums and sicker faceplants on the wakeboard behind one of his two boats? nope.
5- Floating the Provo river on a giant inflatable Shamu the whale pool toy wearing nothing but a wife beater, a trucker hat and JORTS? nope.
6- Doin a Tennessee River Run dance in the back of one of his HUGE trucks complete with the Kingdom couch bolted into the bed? nope.
7- Driving around in the HUGE truck on said couch? nope.
8- Freestyle rap? nope.
9- Death defyer's on the longboard? nope.
No, it's none of the above. It is an entirely new breed of redneck... Heavy D has taken to flipping houses. (why now when the housing is such a nightmare? Who knows... but I digress.) The D has purchased a serious stink pot of a house in the middle of the ghetto in Ogden. location location location...
And armed with Javier the Mexican and Roy the Hobo, (that may not even be their real names, I can't remember) he has started fixing it up. He has already removed, are you ready for this? 35,000 pounds of crap. that's right... Thirty-five Thousand pounds.
the lady was crazy who lived there. It was so packed with crap you couldn't even enter the house. She was sleeping in a sleeping bag on a sofa on the front porch. As the D has been working on the house Roy the hobo fell through the roof and must have rolled out front and under the trailer. when they found him (unconscious) he didn't know how he ended up there and he thought he'd been mugged. Heavy D, being the good employer he is to his illegal workers, decided to take them out to eat at chuck-a-rama. At the front they asked if there was mexican food and the guy replied "No Mexican." and Javier the Mexican heard that, got all sad and turned around to leave thinking they were throwing him out.
Anyways... 35,000 lbs later Heavy D made the discovery that the piece of crap house he bought came with a BASEMENT which he didn't know of. Seriously. They were removing junk and they found a hatch door into a basement which they didn't even know existed. Filled with what? More crap.
Good luck Heavy D. We sure love you. I miss you ya big hillbilly. People here don't understand how to have a good time like we do. Come visit and we'll go surfing... or riding garbage cans... or dress up as black people.
I dedicate this entire blog to you... well... and Hambone, Wangsta, Booger, Aaron and the rest of the crew who I love.
My little brother (calling himself Heavy Von Deezy this time) sent pictures from his newest endeavor. Is it of...
1- Swinging his friends around with the bucket of a tractor? nope.
2- Dragging his friends behind his truck around the grocery store parking lot and through drive-thrus on a couch? nope.
3- Dragging his friends behind his truck around the grocer store parking lot on a giant stuffed animal? nope.
4- Doing sick tantrums and sicker faceplants on the wakeboard behind one of his two boats? nope.
5- Floating the Provo river on a giant inflatable Shamu the whale pool toy wearing nothing but a wife beater, a trucker hat and JORTS? nope.
6- Doin a Tennessee River Run dance in the back of one of his HUGE trucks complete with the Kingdom couch bolted into the bed? nope.
7- Driving around in the HUGE truck on said couch? nope.
8- Freestyle rap? nope.
9- Death defyer's on the longboard? nope.
No, it's none of the above. It is an entirely new breed of redneck... Heavy D has taken to flipping houses. (why now when the housing is such a nightmare? Who knows... but I digress.) The D has purchased a serious stink pot of a house in the middle of the ghetto in Ogden. location location location...
And armed with Javier the Mexican and Roy the Hobo, (that may not even be their real names, I can't remember) he has started fixing it up. He has already removed, are you ready for this? 35,000 pounds of crap. that's right... Thirty-five Thousand pounds.
the lady was crazy who lived there. It was so packed with crap you couldn't even enter the house. She was sleeping in a sleeping bag on a sofa on the front porch. As the D has been working on the house Roy the hobo fell through the roof and must have rolled out front and under the trailer. when they found him (unconscious) he didn't know how he ended up there and he thought he'd been mugged. Heavy D, being the good employer he is to his illegal workers, decided to take them out to eat at chuck-a-rama. At the front they asked if there was mexican food and the guy replied "No Mexican." and Javier the Mexican heard that, got all sad and turned around to leave thinking they were throwing him out.
Anyways... 35,000 lbs later Heavy D made the discovery that the piece of crap house he bought came with a BASEMENT which he didn't know of. Seriously. They were removing junk and they found a hatch door into a basement which they didn't even know existed. Filled with what? More crap.
Good luck Heavy D. We sure love you. I miss you ya big hillbilly. People here don't understand how to have a good time like we do. Come visit and we'll go surfing... or riding garbage cans... or dress up as black people.
Apr 22, 2008
let the hauntings cease
Alright dad, we finally got you a real headstone to mark your grave. No longer will you only be remembered by a 1 liter bottle of "full strength" Coke. So quit haunting the place. We sure love you. Sorry bout the birds which poop all over the headstone!
Thanks to Ali for getting us these pictures!
Apr 20, 2008
CAMPOUT!
I love being in scouts. There's something awesome about just packing up a sleeping bag some food and jumping in the car to go find adventure. We were definitely running late so we just threw our junk together last minute and off we went. We headed up to Upper Oso again, a place that's fast becoming our favorite for a quick overnighter. This time I was able to bring my guitar (since last time I was on motorcycle... that didn't work so well). We all cooked our tin foil dinners and welcomed Tyler into the troop. This was his first campout and he had a blast. Seeing him there with his little Swiss Army Knife and Scout Mess Kit i was time warped back 14 years ago when I went on my first overnighter. What a great thing scouts does for kids!
The kids found a big fat frog which they insisted on showing me. And the scouts definitely DID NOT love the "happy present from the earth" Wasabi Peas from Japan-town, but Danny DeMartini, another scoutmaster, sure did.
After eating a dinner filled with ashes and bugs (this always happens, no matter what precautions are taken when boiling the water) we finally all settled down and I played a few songs for em and then... told the fast becoming famous Night Poem for the 11 yr olds who hadn't heard it yet. And then the main event: The Little Green Man! my favorite of all stories.
Delose, the master story teller from Camp Loll where Jodi and I both worked, fell in love, got engaged always tells this story. I did my best to imitate the master. It went so well! I scared the crap out of Christian when I got to the part where he finds him sitting at the desk hunched over the phone. Good times!
Here's a photo of the one scout who didn't make it. He's a surfer and only wants to go if we do an overnighter at a beach. So i think that next time we'll go camping at Jalama! It will be totally awesome!
I then had to go to the camporee for the rest of the day even though our troop wasn't there. They gave us these creepy trucker hats. Seriously. Heavy D must have like 10 hats like this back at home and I always wondered where in the world they came from.
Apr 17, 2008
introducing...
the compy's had it after many a faithful year of service. we have been using it in it's crippled state since *the accident* for a while but it was finally time. so we upgraded to a laptop.
ALSO, my awesome sister michelle remembered my birthday and got me sweet goodies from Japantown in San Francisco. Here they are. Take note of the Pocky for men and the Cream Collon, which turns out to be the only way I like a collon. And also the beatle. Inside is a lifesize beatle and a fizzy candy pellet with "fermented milk powder" as an ingredient. So you ask, hey, are those pipin hot wasabi roasted peas any good? I don't know yet, they claim to be a "happy present from the earth" so I'm going to try them out on my scouts on the camp out this weekend. We'll see what wild 12 year olds think of wasabi peas.
ALSO, my awesome sister michelle remembered my birthday and got me sweet goodies from Japantown in San Francisco. Here they are. Take note of the Pocky for men and the Cream Collon, which turns out to be the only way I like a collon. And also the beatle. Inside is a lifesize beatle and a fizzy candy pellet with "fermented milk powder" as an ingredient. So you ask, hey, are those pipin hot wasabi roasted peas any good? I don't know yet, they claim to be a "happy present from the earth" so I'm going to try them out on my scouts on the camp out this weekend. We'll see what wild 12 year olds think of wasabi peas.
Apr 14, 2008
looking forward to motherhood...or not
Read here. This absolutely will be me in 10 years, and I am afraid there is no escaping it. That is what we get for wanting 6 children. Definitely don't miss the part about the "7th child"...Jenae, I know you already see this coming.
It's come to our attention that this blog sounds an awful lot like an announcement. nope. it's not, we just thought this was dang funny.
It's come to our attention that this blog sounds an awful lot like an announcement. nope. it's not, we just thought this was dang funny.
Apr 12, 2008
It's a Birthday Boy!
Let it be known to all that Taylor had a birthday! It was actually yesterday. He can't believe he's already 25...as if that is old or something. I love this boy. Happy Birthday Taylor.
NOTE: (this is taylor now) to explain, I mostly regret that now I'm a quarter of a century old and I haven't even conquered a single country yet. Alexander the Great had the entire known world at 18. All I've conquered are some partial differential equations.
Apr 8, 2008
Apr 2, 2008
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